The Government are tearing themselves apart again in the name of Boris Johnson. In other news, ‘bear shits in woods’.  It’s been a typical Tory week with the Party playing its greatest hits, the encore of a dying government waiting for the electorate to put it out of its misery.

We’ve had a ministerial speeding scandal, the return of Partygate, and now the 1922 committee of backbench Conservative MP’s are emerging from their pit with rumours of letters of no confidence in Prime Minister Rishi Sunak.

Committee Chair Sir Graham Brady may have to awaken from hibernation for one last hurrah because the Boris Johnson Fan Club are mobilising. Reports have emerged of Boris loyalists gearing up to send letters of no confidence to Brady in a desperate attempt to trigger a fourth leadership change in as many years. While nobody has officially put their head above the parapet to call for a change yet, it can safely be assumed that the mutinous voices include fan club president and hopeless romantic Nadine Dorries, Minister for the eighteenth-century Jacob Rees-Mogg, and the self-proclaimed hardest man in Parliament Lee ‘30p’ Anderson. This week’s latest revelations against Johnson haven’t deterred his starry-eyed squadron of sycophants from pining for his return. Just this week the disgraced ex-PM has faced fresh allegations of lockdown breaking social gatherings (brought to light after he handed his OWN FUCKING DIARY to police as part of their ongoing probe). He has also sacked his own legal team (Including Lord Pannick of Manchester City fame) after he ‘lost confidence’ in them. Translation: they weren’t corrupt enough for his liking.

Manchester City fans unveil a bizarre banner in support of lawyer Lord David Pannick before their Premier League game against Aston Villa.

Anyone with two brain cells to rub together can see that the Tory party and the country need Johnson 2.0 as much as a hole to the head, but luckily for him, brain cells are in short supply in the Commons these days. The Conservatives are a tired political project in a death spiral, having run out of options and ideas after 13 years in Government. Like Old Yeller, they need to be taken out back and shot for their own good. Until we get to the election, they’ll continue to desperately search for ideas and a saviour. Boris Johnson will be hoping they’re just about mad enough to roll the dice on him once again.