Political party merch can be one of the most wasteful uses of material. the question is, how wasteful has Labour been with theirs?
Accessories – 3/10
First of all, it has to be said that the available accessories don’t come close to the outrage that was the Tory shop. Labour could’ve made a Keir Starmer jigsaw or a Tony Blair pillowcase set, but instead, they opted for this shit.
Do you ever think to yourself, damn I wish my dog was more politically aware and able to campaign its beliefs? Well, help is at hand with the Labour dog bandana. For just £10, your dog can represent mild socialism in the modern era, better than throwing it a ball I suppose.
Furthermore, if you are out walking your dog and it starts to rain, why not draw attention to yourself in the worst way possible by protecting yourself from the rain with the Labour umbrella? This umbrella is so big that it covers all aspects of the Labour Party from Tory-lite Blairism to borderline communist Corbyn.
At least if you do happen to buy this £30 delight, you’ll have to leave it out to dry much like Keir Starmer does with the left of the Labour Party.
Clothing – 5/10
Instead of walking around with the latest Labour accessories, why not wear a bit of Labour instead…
If attempting to politicise your puppy isn’t enough, Labour give you the option to commit minor child cruelty by purchasing your baby a ‘Labour Gain’ baby grow, as if all babies are first Tory when they are born. Imagine indoctrinating your baby to the Labour party even before they can speak, at least give them a chance to work out how dull Keir Starmer is…Its also deeply worrying that this was the only item out of stock.
If you ever fancy robbing a bank but you also want to show your support for the left of British politics, then why not spend £5 on this snood, which will hide your identity perfectly whilst showing that you’re only robbing the bank because you believe in spreading the wealth.
(Disclaimer – Punching Up does not advocate robbing banks, nor does it suggest that all bank robbers are socialists).
If you want a stylish item of clothing to keep you warm in the winter months, why not buy a jumper with as much personality as the labour leader himself? Yes, it’s Keir Starmer if he was a hoodie: boring, plain and devoid of any creativity. £22.50…bargain.